So, Mel Gibson has shot his mouth off again, and some are shocked, while I'm bored.
He’s been bat-shit crazy for nearly a decade now.
But it's made me think back on the people who have retroactively ruined things for me by doing something so dumb/despicable that it taints everything they’ve ever done. Ruining everything forever. Jerks.
So, here it is:
TOP FIVE TOXIC CELEBRITIES
#5
Zach Braff
Crimes: Douchebaggery to nth degree.
He was fun on Scrubs, and Garden State was ok (I take issue that in the third act, it switches from coming-of-age story to love story. He's a manchild! Stay away, helmet girl! You have enough to deal with!)
But living in NY, I know a lot of actresses, thereby - I know a lot of hostesses/waitresses/baristas/etc. And after he became a big man, he acted like a big dick to just about every woman in the service industry in the five boroughs. And the word came out loud and strong: Braff is a royal asshole. More specifically, the kind of asshole who stares at your tits and then says things like, “You know who I am. Want to go somewhere?”
But living in NY, I know a lot of actresses, thereby - I know a lot of hostesses/waitresses/baristas/etc. And after he became a big man, he acted like a big dick to just about every woman in the service industry in the five boroughs. And the word came out loud and strong: Braff is a royal asshole. More specifically, the kind of asshole who stares at your tits and then says things like, “You know who I am. Want to go somewhere?”
What I miss most: Arrested Development’s “S.O.B.” and “Spring Break.” Here he plays a Never-Nude Joe Francis creeper. Too close for comfort.
Silver Lining: It’s not hard to avoid Zach Braff because most of his projects are awful anyway. (Second billing of this winner went to a member of the Real World. Score!)
#4
John Mayer
Crimes: Pseudo-intellectualism. Manchild sexism masquerading as being a hopeless romantic.
I was admittedly never a big John Mayer fan, but his stuff was cute and catchy. And hey, I’m a girl. But then he started talking and wouldn't stop!
I was admittedly never a big John Mayer fan, but his stuff was cute and catchy. And hey, I’m a girl. But then he started talking and wouldn't stop!Final Straw: In Rolling Stone, he explained he wasn’t afraid to commit he just hadn’t yet met the perfect woman. You know, the one with “The Joshua Tree of vaginas.”
What I miss most: John Mayer on Chappelle's Show. Us white people do love guitar rifts.
Silver Lining: Mayer-hating is a deeply satisfying ladies’ night activity. (Tip for Men: Sweatpants are never appealing. Not EVER.)
#3
Lindsay Lohan
Crimes: Descending from promising child actress/possible role-model to total hot mess.
She’s such a trainwreck it’s distracting to all her flicks. It’s like the time I saw Paper Moon at a revival screening a few years back and Tatum O’Neal made a special appearance to introduce the film. As she got up on stage to talk for a bit about making the movie – which made her famous – which inspired her dad to use her to get into Hollywood parties and fuck starlets – which led to her feeling alone/betrayed – which led to her becoming a junkie - one astute audience member whispered, “Her life is so sad.” Yep. And it taints the whole movie - sad. So, how, I ask you can I ever enjoy the Lilo canon ever again?
What I miss most: Mean Girls. She nailed being the nerd girl outsider.
Silver Lining: Fellow Mean Girls Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried and Lizzy Caplan took the ball and ran with it, being awesome non-trainwrecks! Watch your back, indeed.
(Top 2 after the jump!)
(Top 2 after the jump!)
